Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Flash Mobs are the new Flash Mobs

You kids won't rememeber this, as it was more than twelve minutes ago and we all have devolved our attention spans to the level of goldfish, but waaaay back in 2005, before every single news event was tinged with the metallic taste of impending apocalypse, flash mobs had a very different meaning than the one they have been ascribed today. A flash mob back then was simply one hundred and eighteen dorks agreeing to meet in a city plaza at an appointed time to do absolutely nothing but exist there as a group. It was roundly (and correctly) dismissed as hipster bullshit and the people with jobs, families to love, and lives to lead all quickly stopped paying attention.

Now these same productive citizens may need to again take notice of this phenomenom. The London riots, we are told, were assisted by social media. Mobs of no-good teens in Philadelphia, Wisconsin, and just yesterday, Maryland have gathered, supposedly with the assistance of twitter and the like, to wreak havoc. The growing fear in this country is that the trend will escalate until we see the kind of lawlessness witnessed by the UK earlier this month.

To all this I have to say, REALLY? Are you THAT fucking surprised? You raise these little bastards on a steady diet of sugar, immersive violent media, and a compelte lack of accountability and consequences, and you can't believe it when they act like a herd of yaks drunk on four loko? Know who we can blame (this blog is mostly about blame)? YOU. You didn't care. You looked the other way when you saw kids acting up on the bus and no one was smacking them for it. You didn't write your congressman or call your alderman or throttle your local school board when you saw that many high school graduates were reading at a second-grade level. You bought your nephew Call of Duty when you knew damn well he couldn't possibly fathom what it means to go to war and kill someone. You think they can tell the difference between real and make believe??? They like Drake and Katy Perry! They are basically all functionally retarded now and THEY are the future of this country, insofar as it has one.

Point being, all of us dropped the ball in a big way for the past generation or so. These kids don't really get what the trade deficit or national debt is, they just know it means they are screwed. They may be idiots, but they know who made them that way. Lock your windows.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Well and truly screwed

Wow, it's been a while.
This blog smells funny too, I left a sandwich here after my last post, but that's why God made Lysol.
Anyhoo, we are all completely up shit creek. Again. Or...still, I forget which.
Why? We are bumping our heads on the debt ceiling and Washington wants to do absolutely nothing about it.
That's right kids, it's INTERNET FEAR MONGERING. The best mongering of all.
Everyone knows that as soon as this country defaults, all senior citizens on Social Security will immediately starve to death and government agencies will become independent fiefdoms that only grant building permits, driver's licenses, and supply contracts to wealthy lords and vassals that swear fealty to them. Most frightening of all, every last one of us is going to be enslaved by the Red Chinese. You've seen how they treat their own citizenry, how do you think they are going to treat us?

But seriously folks....this same tired farce has played out time and again. A deadline is set on large policy decision, and both parties posture and stall so that they can paint the other as slow to action and out of touch. Essentially the legislative and executive body are like two naked fat guys fighting in front of childen: everyone watching it knows it's wrong, no one wants to get close enough to do anything about it. Why do we put up with it? Because we are all technology obsessed, internet-absorbed dullards? That argument doesn't wash anymore. Look at what other countries do with their internets, they organize revolts and remove firmly entrenched despots! Sure some people have gotten killed, but how do YOU make omelettes?