Arctic RUSH!

Ah, Antiperspirant. When I was just entering the early stages of being a man that could smell bad, I remember reading with bemusement the label on the back of my Speed Stick. "If you experience a rash or allergic reaction, discontinue use."
I imagined the man who was allergic to deodorant. His choice was between being repellent and being dead and some days, it had to be a close call. He would have at least intermittent stank issues until the end of his days. Or he would have just become a hippie.
I wasn't laughing after this Arctic Rush Right Guard entered my life. It's a 'sport' antiperspirant, you see. I go to the gym now. I'm working up a bodanky sweat on the regular. I think I have some kind of athletic body, until I am standing naked, next to an athlete (that happens a lot now, thanks to this stupid gym thing) So of course I needed the accessory, the anti-perspirant that shoves lesser products onto the pavement on the way to the cafeteria. Only it burns now, my armpits are looking like I wipe them with low-grade sandpaper.
I was using the one in my gym bag for weeks, so I think it's only the stick in my bathroom. It's tainted. I bought it at the sketchy Walgreens in my neighborhood. The kids working there are fifteen and know just how little they are making, and wll cuss you out accordingly. There is a security guard that carries a 9mm. Someone is always arguing with the cashier that the bank just told them their debit card had enough for a pack of cigarettes. This is where I am buying my toiletries. These are the places, among the hapless and marginalized, that conspiracies happen. Someone wants to see what happens when poisonous Right Guard is introduced to the masses.
Or maybe its the aluminum. These things have aluminum right? Do I remember that they debunked the connection of aluminum to Alzheimer's, or am I making it up because I have Alzheimer's?
It would explain why I thought this would be a good thing to write about.